Confessions #4: Search for Security

Written January 9, 2011.

The line from the Tenth Avenue North song gets me every time: “Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough?” It hits a little too close to home; far too often I look for love and acceptance elsewhere, seeking security, when God is the one who offers safety. The song continues, posing the rhetorical question, “Where will you go, child; tell me where will you run?” I haven’t yet found an answer to that question, because everywhere I go leads to a dead end.

There is no one in my life that has not let me down when I needed them, because no one is perfect. I don’t even want to think of all the people I’ve let down when they depended on me. The reality of life, unpleasant though it may be, is that security cannot be found in flawed people or anywhere else in this imperfect world.

Why then do I continually turn my back on what I know to be authentic and spend my time searching for what seems just beyond my reach, eventually settling for a second-best imitation of the real thing? For a while, I can pretend and even convince myself that I have found security, but there always comes a painful moment when I realize that none of my support, nothing I depended on, was real. My imagined walls of protection come crashing down around me, driving me to my knees to seek security the one place I can find it.

At the point of breakdown, forced to depend on Christ alone, I do begin to feel truly safe, for I know that genuine security cannot be threatened or compromised by the circumstances of this world. But as always, life begins to drag me down. As time passes, my perception becomes cloudy, and again begins the desperate scramble to find a somehow more tangible sense of security.

The great irony is this: if I feel the safest when relying on God rather than on others, why then do I return to the world to find security there? Embarrassingly trite and a pathetic excuse though it may be, the only explanation I can offer is that old habits die hard.

Nothing found in this world is permanent; it can all slip away despite my futile attempts to hold on. The only thing steady in a life of ups and downs, the only thing safe in a world of change, is the unending love of my Savior. So all I can do is to take one day at a time, looking only to Him to provide security. And with each passing day the wait becomes shorter until the very feeling I have been seeking all this time becomes tangible; as the days of my life play themselves out one by one, the time draws nearer that I will fall into the arms of the One who will never let me go…safe at last.

Published in: on April 9, 2011 at 2:55 pm  Leave a Comment  
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