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Disclaimer: this is NOT one of those “Confessions of a Creature of Habit.” This is not about me. The general frame is the mindset of a young woman deceived by the lies of the world.

I looked in all the wrong places searching for something to make life worthwhile.

I tried to find security in money. But once it was spent, all I had was a house filled with useless things, and still I felt no security.

I tried to find love in sex. But sex without commitment is nothing more than an instinctive human desire, and all it did was leave me empty and devoid of love.

I tried to find beauty in makeup and jewelry and push-up bras. But vanity took over my personality, destroying my beauty from the inside out and leaving me nothing but a made-up shell with a fake smile.

I tried to find acceptance by conforming to everyone’s expectations. But I soon came to find that everyone expected me to be someone different. I became a role-player, accepted for the faces I put on and not for who I really was. I was nothing more than an actor.

I tried to find value in others’ opinions of me.  But by now, everyone saw me as a greedy, vain, two-faced slut. My life had become everything I didn’t want it to be. Everything I had run from had caught up with me, and everything I had been reaching for was just a mirage, untouchable, still shimmering miles away on the distant horizon. I had lost sight of what was important. I had lost myself.

Oh God…this isn’t who I wanted to be. Let me feel security in faith and love in Your salvation. Give me inner beauty and true acceptance based on the personality You gave me and my identity in You. Please don’t judge me the way everyone else has because of what I’ve become, but let my value come from grace. Make me the me You meant me to be.

Published in: on May 25, 2011 at 2:24 pm  Leave a Comment  
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