Confessions of a Creature of Habit: Rich Girl (Selfish Girl?)

Don’t let the title mislead you. I’m a college student, after all. I don’t own a Porsche. But by the world’s standards, I’m rich. And so are you.

The nagging on my heart has been constant, continual. The gentle reminders from God: “Daughter, you have yet to surrender everything.”

“God, I have!” I want to say. “I’ve given you my plans. I’ve changed my major. I’ve even turned my love life over to You. Do You think it’s easy being single and not knowing what I’m going to do with my life?”

Yeah, that doesn’t fly.

Because there’s one area of my life I just can’t surrender.

Money.

Yeah.

“God, I seriously can’t give that up. Especially if I do end up single forever. I have to be able to support myself.”

I never thought I was a materialistic person. For real. I value people more than money, right? Until I started wondering if Jesus really was exaggerating when he told the rich man to sell all he had and give to the poor.

Books like Crazy Love and Radical really don’t make you feel good about your economic status. It’s hard to stomach. I’ve wrestled with it for months.

You see, my possessions are the one safety net I have left. Because it’s true, I have pretty much forfeited my life’s road map and my relationships to God.

And so that leaves me. Me and my image. Me and my stuff.

And I buy a lot of stuff.

I try to buy clothes on sale, or at the thrift store. But even so I don’t need half — or even more than half — of what I have. They won’t even all fit in my drawers. It’s ridiculous. But still I “need” more, more, more: oh, this shirt is so cute, I “have” to have it. I don’t have a scarf in this color yet. The heels on my white shoes aren’t high enough, I need a more awesome pair. All these silly justifications.

I try to be thrifty with makeup, too. I find the best quality for the lowest price and use coupons. But even so, the contents of my makeup bag is worth an astounding $75. That doesn’t even count shower products and nail polish.

(This is getting embarrassing.)

Tonight I spent $8 on a stick of purple eyeliner. Why? To look awesome.

Yeah. So that I will have awesome purple eyelids while kids go to bed hungry.

(It seemed reasonable at the time…)

The system disgusts me.

Wait, no…I guess I disgust me.

BUT. I have a plan. An experiment, really.

From now till the end of February, I am going to see just how little I can buy for myself. No clothes. No “fun makeup.” No unnecessary food. No books. Not even mp3 downloads. Pretty much, if it appeals to me, I’m going to avoid it at all costs (no pun intended). Starting…now.

Here goes.

Better go write that check for church tomorrow that I’ve been putting off. I’ll delay the sparkly blue eyeliner instead.

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Published in: on January 22, 2012 at 3:14 am  Leave a Comment  
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