when the words don’t come out right.

I pride myself on being an eloquent communicator.  I can use my words to make people cry, make them laugh, or make them angry.  I have always loved the power of words — how alliteration can pack a powerful punch (see what I did there?) or how choosing just the right synonym can totally change the impact of a sentence.  I have also been told that I have the gift of concision — that I can pack a ton of information into a very short space and still make it easily understandable.  It’s rare that I am at a loss for words; in fact, it’s happened only twice or three times in the last year that I am aware of.

And when it does happen, I feel utterly stupid.  Like I’ve totally blown it.

Because when the words don’t come out right, someone’s just seen a side of me that I never intended for anyone to see.

The side of me that doesn’t have it all together.

The side of me that is upset, frustrated, conflicted, and utterly at a loss.

The side of me that can’t make a cold, calculated, concise speech because what I’m trying to say is far too personal, far too raw.

When the words don’t come out right, I lose my armor and am defenseless and powerless.  When they don’t come out right, it’s because I don’t feel strong enough to be bold and sassy.  When they don’t come out right, it’s usually because, in some way or another, I am broken.

It doesn’t happen often.  But if it’s happened to you, congratulations.  You’ve seen me at my most vulnerable.

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Published in: on November 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm  Leave a Comment  
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