No Agenda. Just Relationship.

A guy plans an elaborate proposal for the girl of his dreams. He spends a fortune on a beautiful ring, buys her a dozen roses and takes her out to a nice restaurant. He has spent hours making this super cute scrapbook of their whole relationship together.  When she turns the last page, there is a small scrap of paper that reads, “Will you marry me?” He smiles a hesitant smile as he gets down on one knee and opens the little box, faithfully declaring to love her for the rest of his life no matter what happens.

Unless, of course, she says no.

Because she does.

And he returns the ring and burns the scrapbook and they never talk to each other again.

The relationship ended because there was nowhere else for it to go.

Relationships end when a goal is not met.  If a girl likes a guy and then realizes he’s not interested, she stops talking to him and cuts him off altogether.  What’s up with that?  If she really liked him, you’d think she would enjoy talking to him whether or not they were together.  But too often it seems like relationships have to be “going somewhere” for us to invest time in them.

Or what about being somebody’s friend so you can “fix” them and lead them to Christ? Then one day you approach the topic of faith, they turn you down, there’s nowhere else for the friendship to go, and they realize that they were only part of an agenda for you. What good does any of that do?

As human beings, we want to control everything.  We have our little secret agendas for the way we want things to work out, and we try to manipulate relationships into the outcome we want.

I propose that we forsake agendas and create relationships simply for the sake of relationship — simply to love another person and give of ourselves. Let go of the expectations, stop trying to control the outcome, and just see where it naturally leads.

Be intentional about forming relationships with broken people that may not end in them accepting Christ. I’ve heard the quote that Jesus didn’t tell his disciples to make converts, he told them to make disciples.  And that’s a totally different process.  It requires that we invest in people whether or not we see a return. Those sorts of relationships don’t end once you get a person baptized, feel great about yourself, and forget about them.

Even within the realm of your love life, don’t fixate on one person and exhaust yourself trying to “make it work.” Create relationships for the sake of relationship, because you truly care about another person more than you care about yourself and how it will benefit you.

Live fully and love everyone. No agenda, just relationship.


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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. What kind of cookie?

    • Haha the cookie is for my next post, “The Girl in the Mirror.” It’ll be posted this evening. However, you can also get a cookie for reading my exegesis paper. 😛

  2. Just kidding. I was talking to a guy going through a classic messy breakup just yesterday and realized, with less eloquance than you, some similar patterns. It would seem that we are capable of friendships with people as different from us as can possibly be, as long as we have a common goal. Then all of what you said applies perfectly. I love the idea that friendship should be that common goal, the rest being mere benefits.

    Thanks for the post!

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